


I'm Ready Now

by DroppedAllTheseOreos



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Angstier than Expected Whoops, Gen, Sorta kinda, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24587026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DroppedAllTheseOreos/pseuds/DroppedAllTheseOreos
Summary: The CR crew wants to have a beach episode but Parad isn't keen on participating
Relationships: Houjou Emu & Parad (Kamen Rider Ex-Aid)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 15
Collections: Oreos' Fanfic Gauntlets





	I'm Ready Now

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Ready Now by Dodie
> 
> This was originally supposed to be a ship fic about Parad just being too invested in games to do the beach episode and Emu bargaining him to participate with kisses and hand holding and eventually Parad discovering he likes hanging out with other people, but the angst kicked in. Maybe there's a way to salvage the original plan somehow, but today is not the day I sort that out.

"Hey, what's going on?"

Parad looked up from his Genmboy to see Emu hovering over him a little nervously, knee pressed into the edge of the picnic table's bench, and swaying on his feet as if he wanted to press his hip against the table, but was afraid of looking too casual. Parad couldn't help the slight scowl that tugged at his lips and turned his attention back to his Perfect Puzzle stage, the frantic music starting back up again when he hit Start. He could feel Emu's disappointed look, partially from how intense it was, but mostly over their bond, making him feel a pang of guilt morphed out of Emu's worry. He brushed it aside as a clump of grey blocker blobs fell on top of one of his vital clearing areas. He clicked his tongue irritatedly and started building up a different part of the stage to combo later.

A burst of laughter and yelling drew Parad's eyes to where their friends were. He just managed to catch the tail end of Graphite and Nico holding Snipe by his arms and legs to throw him, fully clothed, into the ocean. The doctor made a huge splash, drenching everyone else that was hanging out in the waist-deep water. Nico stuck her fist out towards Graphite and he bumped it back, conspiratorial grins on their faces.

It was so weird. They were the last people he expected to get along, but here they were, making quite a sight. Graphite, with his jacket and leather gauntlet left behind on a beach towel, and his pants rolled up to his knees, shin-deep in the water, and Nico, in a rainbow-striped two-piece swimsuit and her hair tied up in a ponytail. He never expected to see Graphite so at ease with humans, much less having fun with them. He looked like he was enjoying himself as much as he did during that fight with Snipe and Brave. Looking back, Parad couldn't remember a time where Graphite looked like he was ever having that much fun with him or Kuroto. Or even during Chronicle before he died.

Something flared up in his chest at that and he tore his eyes from the scene, gaze landing back on his game screen, greyed out and completely filled with teary-eyed blobs, with Game Over plastered on top in that familiar bubble font.

He pouted and set the console down roughly, trying hard to stare at chipping paint on the table and completely block out whatever was happening at the beach. Parad wasn't sure how long he stewed in his upset feelings, but he definitely noticed the tentative warmth tingling against his fingertips. When he turned his head, Emu had moved to sit next to him, elbows resting on the table and hands folded, closed off physically, but what he could see of Emu's face was open and wanting to help.

Parad scowled and looked away, but found himself answering Emu's unvoiced question.

"I think this whole hang out is lame, okay? We can all just bond by playing video games together, can't we?"

"That's not it," Emu began, tone slightly demanding, but he seemed to catch himself and sighed, turning his head to face forward, too.

The silence between them was so thick, it felt like the excited screams and shouts of the others were muffled and distant.

"Is it the water?" Emu asked softly.

Parad clicked his tongue again, "It's not that. I just really don't feel comfortable here."

"But why? I want to try help but I can't if I don't know what's—"

"Well, maybe I don't want you to help." Parad snapped back, "You sure did a great job last time you tried."

"Parad," Emu said warningly, but Parad cut him off with a hissed, "No, shut up and listen. I can’t trust you!

The fear had been building up in him ever since he nearly died and he'd just about had enough. He was tired of being afraid of Emu while still feeling drawn to him and the conflicting feelings were threatening to break him. Maybe he was already broken a long time ago and that's why he was afraid of everyone else, too. Afraid they didn't need him, would never need him, maybe never even needed him in the first place. The way he'd treated everyone, it was no wonder he found them all frustrating and terrifying all at once. He was afraid of any one of them lashing out at him for any of his past actions at any time, and while he could apologize, it might be better to just go away and avoid fights altogether. Even Graphite and Emu, the two people he thought relied on him, and he could rely on, seemed so much happier without him, like when Emu was with Brave or Lazer researching the virus, or Graphite letting Nico and Poppy take him out to cafe hop and chat. No one needed him anymore, and the people he needed moved on or were in video game prison.

Parad's chest felt tight as he slowly came back to himself, realizing he'd said everything he'd ever buried out loud from the way his chest was heaving and his skin was all sweaty even though it didn't normally do that, it only happened when... well, Chronos...

As he continued to regain awareness, his eyes fell on Emu, who was staring at him with a mix of pity and horror. He gritted his teeth, he didn't need that from him and he was about to move away when Emu caught his hand, reaching out over their connection instinctively and Parad's wrist burned but felt soothed with the feeling. Just like always. Things with Emu were always conflicting. And he hated looking at him. Hated everything that happened because it was confusing and painful.

Emu made a choked-off noise and Parad realized his hurt had spiked into Emu's chest over their connection. He hissed a breath through his teeth and finally turned back to look at Emu and apologize.

"Parad, I'm sorry." Emu quickly said, cutting him off. Parad felt it resonate up his arm where they were connected and straight into his heart. "Just wait, please. I can sit and chill with you here until you feel better about this."

Parad didn't exactly want Emu around, but the offer of company after so long of feeling confused and alone was enough to make him want to cling to the gesture. He took a deep breath, then sat back down, and Emu moved to sit across from him. They stayed like that for a while, Emu idly chatting about work, and new games Genm had planned, how that show about giant silver aliens he liked was going, creating a nice stream of chatter that Parad felt like he could ease into. It was soothing, somehow matching the music from his Genmboy, playing low and cheery in the background.

Parad even took a moment between levels to look up at their friends, seeing Graphite shirtless and in the water, Poppy on his shoulders grappling with Lazer on Nico's shoulders. Brave was on the sand, seemingly just watching with Snipe, still soaking wet next to him. And as he watched Poppy shove hard enough to throw all four of them off balance, sending them all underwater until they all popped up again, coughing and laughing, Parad found he didn't hate the sight as much. It still churned his insides, but not as uncomfortably as before.

He and Emu sat at the picnic table until the sun was about to set, and looking back on it, Parad almost felt like they were back to the old days, when it was just them. But things were still so different. This time spent together made him still wish for the days when they were together, but also made him realize they needed to move forward. As terrifying as that was, because it wasn't just them anymore. They had friends and coworkers and other people in both their lives, now, and might have to one day find their way without each other; depending on how life decided to play out.

Poppy and Nico ran up to them, dripping wet and giggling. "C'mon, guys, you should watch the sunset with us at least!" Poppy smiled, putting an arm around Nico who was trying to pretend she wasn't shivering from the slowly cooling air.

Emu looked like he wanted to jump up and join them, but stopped and looked to Parad first. The little gesture made him bite down on a smile as his heart started to beat quickly. He pocketed his console and costume changed into something more beach appropriate, but still in his usual style.

"I think I'm ready now," He said, and he knew Emu understood.


End file.
